Friendship: Part 4 - Loyalty

A man of many companions may come to ruin,

but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

(Proverbs 18:24 ESV)

A friend is a trusted confidante to whom I am mutually drawn as a companion and ally, whose love for me is not dependent on my performance, and whose influence draws me closer to God.

Loyal:  Merriam Webster Dictionary

1)  : unswerving in allegiance: as
        a : faithful in allegiance to one's lawful sovereign or government
        b : faithful or devoted to a private person to whom fidelity is due
        c : faithful to a cause, ideal, custom, institution, or product

Synonyms: constant, dedicated, devoted, devout, down-the-line, fast, good, faithful, pious, staunch, steadfast, steady, true, true-blue

What is a loyal Christian friend?  What does loyalty look like in the relationship between two Christians?  The story of David and Jonathan provides an example of a commitment between friends which exhibits loyalty, and its components of faithfulness, allegiance, and devotion.  First, we see the two bound together in 1 Samuel 18:

...the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.

(1 Samuel 18:1 ESV)

And further, in 1 Samuel 18:3, we see that Jonathan makes a covenant with David:

Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul.

(1 Samuel 18:3 ESV)

And then we see Jonathan's loyalty to David expressed through his dedication, devotion, and faithfulness by offering him his future place as King.  He sacrificed his own personal gain and in devotion to David, equipped him for the battles that would lead to David taking the thrown after Saul's death:

And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt.

(1 Samuel 18:4 ESV)

An essential part of loyalty between Christian friends is the presence of the Lord between them.  Our loyalty to friends, or anyone else, should never compromise our loyalty to God.  In any close friendship between two people, it should always be remembered that in fact, this third element, God, is always present.  Jonathan realized this in declaring to David:

Fight the Good Fight

"Fight the good fight of faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called..."

(1 Timothy 6:12 NASB)

A hard lesson learned over this past few weeks:

• Faith is something we must constantly fight for
• It is a good fight

After a period of several months of very real transformation, I let down my guard.  In a sense, I became comfortable with where I was at and even overly confident in ways.  Things seemed to be going real well.  I felt that I was growing in my love of God, as well as my love of other people.  I spent time in the Word, in prayer, and in service to others.  But something was lacking.  I certainly wasn't as thankful as I should have been for the great things that God was doing in my life.  Pride crept in and rather than giving all of the glory to God, I think in some ways I was reserving some for myself.  I felt that I had things under control.

"Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like 

a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour."

(1 Peter 5:8 NASB)

Sin can creep in unnoticed.  It can spread like an infection.  In my complacency and attitude of having everything under control, I was not as quick to address things occurring in my thought life as I should have been.  After all, I had everything under control.

Who Will You Follow?: Matthew 6:19-24

19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; 21 for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

22 “The eye is the lamp of the body; so then if your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!"

24 “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth."

(Matthew 6:19-24 NASB)

Who will you serve today?  Jesus teaches us that the things of this world are not lasting.  When we put our efforts, desires, and energies into securing the pleasures that satisfy the flesh, our only treasures will be ones made of that which is perishable.

The choices I have made in my life have always tended to be those that sought after meeting immediate "needs" or satisfying my desires for pleasure.  The Lord tells us that the treasure we seek through gratifying the flesh and seeking after that which is not Godly has no lasting value.  They are not eternal treasures, and the choices we make to pursue them are, in fact, choices which deny God's position as 1st in our lives.  Both in the preceding verses and throughout the Bible, Jesus teaches us that this brief time we have here on earth is for the purpose of serving God and doing for others in His name.  We truly have a choice to make: do we serve God or do our actions show our hatred for Him and His ways?

The Lord tells us that we must make a choice.  To serve Him or to serve the things of the world.  We cannot do both.

In what ways are you denying the truth of Jesus' teaching that the only treasure which has real value is the treasure which we store up for ourselves in Heaven?  This is the treasure which is promised to us when we live a life characterized by honoring and obeying God alone.  Are your eyes locked on the truths of God or is your vision corrupted by the pursuit of those things that are valued by the world?  God says that if our eye is bad than our bodies are filled with darkness.  What longings of the heart and behaviors of the flesh cause your vision to be blinded to the Truth?

Father, keep us ever mindful of the fleeting pleasures of this world and how they cannot compare to a life spent serving and honoring to you.  Let us seek to put our treasures in Your hands, stored safely in the Eternal Place that You have promised as the final destination to those who believe in You; Heaven.

Love & Partiality

Over the past couple of years, I have spent a great deal of time working out what it means to love others as a follower of Christ.  It has benefited me greatly in so many areas to understand this real love; the love that Jesus demonstrated and spoke of.  As someone who was most frequently led by my emotional, gut feelings of love, this understanding has helped me tremendously.  It has given me a standard which I can use to compare what I felt was loving to what God says really is loving.  I have often found that my motives were less then selfless, kind, or from a place of being long-suffering.

As I have been seeking this understanding of love, it has bothered me that I have had a greater love toward some people, and conversely, a lesser love toward others.  I've felt pressured to decrease my love for some, while building it up for others for whom it came less naturally to me.  I thought that loving everyone equally was the Christian ideal that I should live up to; and perhaps it is, but it is not necessarily the place from which I can start my journey.  I have been rethinking things lately, not in a way that I shouldn't strive to be loving toward all people, but just in the sense that it isn't necessarily un-Christian or sinful to love some people more than you love others.  I think the greatest example of favoritism or partiality in love would include the love of Jesus for the Apostle John, as discussed below.

I guess I am at a place now where I feel some freedom to pursue loving those whom God puts before me and not getting so wrapped up in defining every thought, labeling and comparing every relationship, and analyzing every word and action.  Essentially, just because someone is "easy" or comfortable for me to love, doesn't mean that the love is a bad thing or something to be avoided or downplayed in favor of seeking to increasingly love the less "desirable".  While I will continue to strive toward greater love for all of my brothers and sisters, perhaps right at this moment in time, it is the people that God has put before me as friends with whom I can best put into practice and learn from about Christian love; both what it is and what it isn't.

I came across this sermon from John Henry Newman (1801-1890).  I think it is worth a read:

Dissatisfaction With Friendships

For the majority of my life, I have had a general sense of dissatisfaction with my friendships.  I am speaking more to close friendships, not the every day type of friendship that wouldn't fall under the category of good or close friend.  I don't, nor have I ever felt like my friends, the close ones, are able to truly relate to me or understand me; my loves, my fears, my motivations, etc.  Often I feel disappointed in them, in so much as it really doesn't even seem like they want to understand me - or if they do seek to understand me, it is only with the intent of proving there fears about me right or wrong, or to use the knowledge to manipulate me.  Sure, most ask questions of me at times to perhaps gain some insight, but it generally seems to be a curiosity prefaced by their thought that I am somehow not normal in my thoughts and emotions.  Certainly I have my areas of "unusualness", but this difference they experience between me and themselves does not necessarily indicate that my thoughts and emotions are somehow wrong.

I think in many ways, when I initially started attending my church in January 2010, the men there who knew of my past were very reluctant to be open to friendship with me.  I certainly felt, and still feel, that I have to prove myself to them in some way.  This is not at all the case with all men, but it is a reality with many of them.  It is somewhat in line with the prevalent feeling of many homosexuals seeking Christ in the church in that it sometimes seems like Christians expect you to fix this sin of homosexuality before  the church will embrace you - rather than the church embracing the homosexual and walking alongside him while God transforms him and "fixes" the problem.

Barnabas, Paul & John Mark

"Barnabas, Son of Encouragement and Comfort"

"When he came to Jerusalem, [Paul] was trying to associate with the disciples; but they were all afraid of him, not believing that he was a disciple.  But Barnabas took hold of him and brought him to the apostles and described to them how he had seen the Lord on the road, and that He had talked to him, and how at Damascus he had spoken out boldly in the name of Jesus."

(Acts 9:26-27 NASB)

Barnabas, whose birth name was Joses (Joseph) first appears in the New Testament in Acts 4:36.  After selling all he owned and giving the proceeds to the Apostles, they gave him a new name: Barnabas, meaning "son of encouragement" or "son of consolation" (comfort).  From this initial mention in Scripture, the word encouragement would be forever associated with Barnabas.

In Acts 9:26-28, we see Paul attempting to join with the Apostles in Jerusalem shortly after his conversion.  Well known to the Apostles, Paul (Saul) had spent years being "the persecutor of the Church" (Acts 9:1).  They were understandably skeptical of believing in Paul's conversion and instead chose to reject him out of fear.  But Barnabas reacted differently.  Rather than rejecting Paul as the Apostles had just done, Barnabas actually takes him back before the Apostles and declares his conviction that Paul is a true believer in Christ.  He vouches for Paul at great risk to his own reputation.  Upon being confronted by Barnabas, we see in the very next verse that they immediately accept him because of Barnabas' convictions as to the truth of Paul's faith.

Friendship: Part 3 - What is it?

“Jonathan lies slain on your high places.

I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan;

very pleasant have you been to me;

your love to me was extraordinary,

surpassing the love of women."

(2 Samuel 1:26 ESV) 

According to the American Sociological Association, "Americans’ circle of close confidants has shrunk dramatically in the past two decades and the number of people who say they have no one with whom to discuss important matters has more than doubled, according to a study by sociologists at Duke University and the University of Arizona."

• The percentage of Americans who had at least one confidant not connected to them through kinship dropped from 80% to 57%.
• A 2004 study showed that 25% of Americans have no one to confide in with matters important to them, more than double the number from 1985.
• Americans' dependence for close contact on a partner or spouse went up from 5% to 9%.
• Research has found a link between fewer friendships (especially in quality) and psychological regression.

As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.

(Proverbs 27:17 NKJV)

In his book "The Four Loves", C.S. Lewis writes...

Very few modern people think Friendship a love of comparable value or even a love at all.  I cannot remember that any poem since In Memoriam, or any novel, has celebrated it.  Tristan and Isolde, Antony and Cleopatra, Romeo and Juliet, have innumerable counterparts in modern literature: David and Jonathan, Pylades and Orestes, Roland and Oliver, Amis and Amile, have not.  To the Ancients, Friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue.  The modern world, in comparison, ignores it.  We admit of course that besides a wife and family a man needs a few "friends."  But the very tone of the admission, and the sort of acquaintanceships which those who make it would describe as "friendships," show clearly that what they are talking about has very little to do with that Philia which Aristotle classified among the virtues or that Amicitia on which Cicero wrote a book.  It is something quite marginal; not a main course in life's banquet; a diversion; something that fills up the chinks of one's time.  How has this come about?  The first and most obvious answer is that few value it because few experience it.

The Oxford dictionary defines a friend as follows: